That's what I thought while the visa officer was asking me the same questions he asked me a week before. It wasn't my interview anymore, he was simply releasing the results of my application. Still, he wanted to know who I was visiting, how I knew this person, how long I planned to stay... blablabla.
I answered calmly despite the urge to tell him to just give me the damn results, and the throbbing pain in my throat which by the way started that morning, when I woke up to the very thought of returning to the embassy.
At this point I have been stressed for a week. I've been fighting my negative and paranoid thoughts with positivity and determination. I've also felt stuck, anchoring my work, rent and commitments for the future months on whether I get an approval or not. I couldn't wait any longer.
Finally, I heard the words, "we're giving you a chance..." I'm pretty sure he said it in slow motion with a weird echoing sound. Suddenly the pain in my throat stopped. I nod at his instructions, sign a last piece of paper and floated out the embassy doors.
This déjà vu was turning out to be a nice dream after all! Feeling triumphant, excited and psyched, I continued daydreaming on my train back to Quezon City - that was until I woke up and found myself in Taft. Classic spaced out move on my part. This time I gave myself a headache.
When I told my sister about my train fail later that day, she laughed, "Were you going straight to the airport?"
Haha! I told you, I couldn't wait.
*Photo taken on a train from Chiang Mai to Bangkok, 2013